This is for a fellow blogger Stacey, I can't make comments on your blog:( I really wanted to let you and your IP's know that we've been praying for those sweet boys and so happy for God's healing of them. Keep growing boys so you can come home soon!
Here is the comment I wanted to post:
I'm so happy the babies are doing well! Are the babies not able to be held yet by others? I'll keep praying for them and that they will be healthy enough for you to hold. I treasure the moments that I got to hold my surro-twins. Hope your day comes soon.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
3 1/2 months update
How time goes by! The twins are now 3 1/2 months old. If you remember after the twins were born, my body never realized that I gave birth. That has all changed as of a couple weeks ago. I talked to their mom on the phone and she was telling me all about their personalities. At that moment she could have stopped talking and I could have finished telling her about them. I think that's when it started to click in my brain and then she sent a picture of them. At that moment of hearing about them and then seeing the picture it finally clicked. Not only did I give birth, but I gave birth to them. I started to cry thinking about how I missed them growing inside me, and how I know them so well but they will never remember me. They will never remember my voice, my children's voices, and even the sound of my heart beating. I had the "baby blues" for 2 days and then I was fine. I was experiencing all the emotions I should have had after they were born. It just took a couple extra months. I talked to some women in a support group I'm in who said it was normal and that once I see them and know that they are OK, I will feel better.
I'm hoping that in the next couple weeks I will be able to see those sweet boys. I want so much to hold them again. I am so proud of what I've done for those boys and want to see my accomplishment. I also stopped pumping 3 weeks ago. It was bittersweet. I was glad that I was able to give them the best start with my milk. On the other hand, I was ready to get all of me back. Ready to lose the 15 pounds I have left, not having to set the clock to be back home after 3 hours to pump, and all in time for my husbands 25 year high school reunion. The timing was perfect. The boys had 3 months of breast milk and that's more than some babies ever get.
Now to the questions I get most often:
1. How am I feeling?
The truth to that is great. I still have moments where my stomach cramps, from carrying so much weight. I've gotten back to running, but that's hard since I have an extra 15 pounds of weight that I have yet to lose. The one thing that is hard for me is that I forget that I just gave birth to twins, and need to take things slower so that my body can heal right.
2. How can I not have a bond with the babies?
Like I've said before they were never my babies or my DNA, so I blocked it out. They were not conceived out of love with my husband. Don't get me wrong. They were loved by me, but conceived for the love of their parents. I was the babysitter for those 9 months. Think about those single parents that have to go to war for a year at a time. Who watches those kids? Do those caregivers get attached to the children and want to keep them? My guess is no. They keep them safe, warm, fed, and loved until their parent comes back to get them. Does the babysitter miss them? I'm sure she does, but she is so happy that the child is back with their parent where they belong. That is how I feel. I was and am a proud babysitter of those sweet boys.
I'm hoping that in the next couple weeks I will be able to see those sweet boys. I want so much to hold them again. I am so proud of what I've done for those boys and want to see my accomplishment. I also stopped pumping 3 weeks ago. It was bittersweet. I was glad that I was able to give them the best start with my milk. On the other hand, I was ready to get all of me back. Ready to lose the 15 pounds I have left, not having to set the clock to be back home after 3 hours to pump, and all in time for my husbands 25 year high school reunion. The timing was perfect. The boys had 3 months of breast milk and that's more than some babies ever get.
Now to the questions I get most often:
1. How am I feeling?
The truth to that is great. I still have moments where my stomach cramps, from carrying so much weight. I've gotten back to running, but that's hard since I have an extra 15 pounds of weight that I have yet to lose. The one thing that is hard for me is that I forget that I just gave birth to twins, and need to take things slower so that my body can heal right.
2. How can I not have a bond with the babies?
Like I've said before they were never my babies or my DNA, so I blocked it out. They were not conceived out of love with my husband. Don't get me wrong. They were loved by me, but conceived for the love of their parents. I was the babysitter for those 9 months. Think about those single parents that have to go to war for a year at a time. Who watches those kids? Do those caregivers get attached to the children and want to keep them? My guess is no. They keep them safe, warm, fed, and loved until their parent comes back to get them. Does the babysitter miss them? I'm sure she does, but she is so happy that the child is back with their parent where they belong. That is how I feel. I was and am a proud babysitter of those sweet boys.
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