2010 recap

Happy New Year to all!

As I look back on 2010 I think of blessings and heartache. I think about how in 2010 my baby made his “firsts”. His first time crawling, walking, running, climbing and talking as well as his first set of teeth and sleeping through the night!

I then think about my oldest child who made first chair in orchestra, went to summer camp twice, was accepted into all the clubs she wanted to join, and turned into a “real” teenager.

Next, my 2 little girls, who are like twins! The 5 year old started kindergarten and learned to read, write and asked Jesus into her heart. She also decided she wants to be a teacher when she grows up. When she comes home from school she teaches her 4 year old sister all she learned. My 4 year old now is starting to read and write. My 4 year old has learned to leave me, started her 1^st year of pre-school and can’t wait to see what every day brings.

My 9 year old son had a great year. He went to camp twice this summer. While he was there, he ate over 14 candy bars at one time and got sick. He “only” had one trip to the ER this year and there were no broken bones! He is really becoming a young little man, who’s very protective of his sisters and brother.

As for my husband and I, we grow more in love every day. I love New Years Eve, because I get to spend it with my love, who just gets hotter the older he gets.

I got pregnant and it’s not ours! That’s the biggest one of 2010!

I then think of the heartbreak of 2010. My beautiful grandma was diagnosed with cancer and within a week of the diagnosis, she passed away. I still can’t believe that she’s gone. I’m so blessed that my husband, baby and I were able to fly to California to see her, talk to her, introduce her great grandson and sadly say our final goodbyes.

Also this year, my brother was on my parents’ boat, and the boat exploded, catching my brother on fire. Seeing him in so much pain, scarred, and scared was very hard for me to watch as he’s only 19. He is making a slow recovery, and his scars can be covered with his clothes. He did get a kick out of the CareFlight ride. He’s very lucky that his face and neck were not burned.

My great grandfather passed away too. He lived a great life and lived to be 98. I was so proud of the life he lived. He set great examples daily, and his accomplishments were many. He came from Mexico with nothing and raised a beautiful family.

I’m praying for an amazing 2011. I know we never know what’s going to happen and some changes are so life changing that we wish we could go back in time. Here is to a happy 2011 with happiness, health, good times, and 2 healthy full term babies for my IP’s!

My first big scare

Yesterday I woke up to my fist big scare with this pregnancy. I was spotting. I was so scared that I might be losing one of the twins. I immediately called our RE doctor in California, and got a doctor that was on call. He told me to wait until they opened and to call back. My thought was “Didn’t you hear me? I said I was bleeding and I’m pregnant with twins.” Crazy me. For some reason I thought bleeding and pregnancy don’t go together. I then called the RE doctor in my area that’s been monitoring me. The nurse told me it wasn’t a big deal since I had no cramping. Bleeding with twins is very common, because your uterus is expanding so fast. But I still wasn’t buying it. In all of my pregnancies I never bled, except for when I was miscarrying. I then called the IM, who wasn’t worried at all! It was very comforting to hear that from her, but we both still wanted to have a sonogram to make sure all was well with the babies.

After the longest 90 minutes, I contacted our nurse in California who is amazing. She ordered a sonogram and I was off to the doctor. I was sitting and praying that both babies would be fine with big strong heart beats. To my amazement, that’s what we saw. Praise God! Baby A was actually moving for the first time. Its little hands kept touching its face and the little legs were kicking away. Baby A had a healthy heartbeat of 166 and was growing right on track. Baby B was sleeping so peacefully, with a great heartbeat of 163. Baby B is also growing right on track.

My doctor told me not to really do anything, just take it easy. That is not hard for me to do, since I’m either sick or tired during the day. I haven’t even walked a mile in months. I’ll just keep doing what I’ve been doing and pray that these babies continue to grow and develop right on schedule and will be healthy, full term babies. There is nothing at this point I wouldn’t do for these babies. I’m their caretaker until the day they are born and I’m going to make sure that nothing goes wrong with them. I can’t wait for the moment that my IP’s get to see their little faces.

my new friend John

There’s been so much change in just a couple weeks! I was taken off my Progesterone injection. I still have my Delestrogen injection every 3 days, but that’s a lot better than the daily Progesterone injection. My bruising and pockets of fluid are almost gone. In addition, I’m 9 weeks along today! I’ve had 3 sonograms and both babies have had a great steady heartbeat and are growing right on target. Also, I was just released to my OB!

My morning sickness is not so much in the morning, but in the evening and it is hell. In the morning I do still get sick, but feel great afterward and can go on with my day. Something then happens to me around 4 p.m. I get so nauseous that the thought of food makes me sick. I can’t even cook. Thanks to Costco’s pre-made dishes, the kids can actually eat! At around 6 p.m., I’m stuck on the couch waiting for the next 90 minutes to go by until my husband comes home. When he’s finally home I have a long date with my toilet “John.” I’ve never had episodes of sickness like that before. They last for about an hour and I feel like I’m suffocating on my own vomit. When it’s finally over, I’m ready for bed. The next day it all begins again. But aren't they worth it?

Baby got back

All I can say is mama has some serious back side going on. I woke up today and was shocked to see just how big my butt has gotten. What a difference a night can bring. I just hope that the babies aren’t growing on the wrong end.J A friend of mine stopped by today, (she had no idea I was doing the whole surrogacy thing) and the first thing she asked me was “Do you have any news you want to share?” I started to laugh and told her actually yes, “I’m pregnant with twins and they are not mine or my husbands.” She said, “I knew it, I’ve never seen your bum quite so large.” Apparently I’m not the only one who’s noticed.

I did talk to the doctor today about pockets of fluid that have hardened at my injection site. It’s been very difficult for the needle to go through the skin and very painful at the injection spot for quite some time. The good news is that it’s a common side effect, and he is going to try to put me on some new meds or decrease my current meds. He thinks that will make the pockets decrease or go away. I’ve tried everything to get them to shrink and nothing has shrunk them. Oh well, that’s life and I’ll do what I have to for healthy full term babies for my IP’s.

The bad news for me is there won’t be any more running until after babies are born, and no intercourse for another 2 weeks. It will be worth the wait! Don’t bother calling my house then. I won’t be answering the phone.J

Good Golly Miss Molly

Good Golly Miss Molly! That is all I can say after finding out my IP’s are having TWINS. I’m in a bit of shock, even though I new in my heart it was twins. I’m very happy and filled with so much joy for my IP’s to be having twins. The IM flew in late last night to attend today’s appointment, and seeing her face when we saw not one, but two babies and two heartbeats was priceless. That was what I signed up for! It was almost the same feeling I had watching my children with Santa on Tuesday. The joy, excitement and magic the kids had in their eyes made me almost cry, to live that joy through their eyes. That is such an amazing feeling as a parent to live through their innocent eyes, and to see my IM’s dreams starting to come true in just that moment.

A part of me feels very selfish for wanting to carry just one baby. For me I was hoping for one, but for my IP’s two. I left it all in God’s hands and have been praying about it for a year. I know it could have been worse, we could have had three. I just keep thinking about the “what ifs”. I’m a very independent person who loves for her family to depend on her. I just can’t even begin to imagine what life would be like on bed rest, no running, and being dependent on everyone to cook, clean and take care of MY children. Not to mention the chance of a c-section.

I know that I’m jumping way ahead of myself, but I really want to have everything I’m feeling and thinking with this journey documented. I have the most amazing family and friends who have done nothing but love and support me. Whatever comes my way I can handle it!

We did get the due date today, it’s July 26, 2011. I’m 6 weeks 3 days today!

quick update

It’s been a while since my last blog. We were in Chicago for a very cold Thanksgiving.

Before I left town I had my blood work and the numbers looked amazing. I had a repeat yesterday and my beta is now 15,300. The nurse seems to think I’m having one baby. I think there are two. My first sonogram is on Friday to find out how many. The IM is also flying in on Thursday so she can be present for the sonogram. I’m very excited to spend the day with her on Friday.

While on our road trip to Chicago, morning sickness started. It got me to thinking I’m now 5 weeks along and I’m a pro at injections. But when the doctor orders injections, why can’t he throw in some injectable Zofran? That would be great, don’t you think? That’s one stick in the butt I wouldn’t mind!

Success!

I just got the phone call I've been waiting for and I'm pregnant! I'm so excited for my IP's. They deserve this baby more than anyone I know. My beta was 374 and they wanted to see at least 50. We will have another blood draw on Monday and I'll be praying the numbers go up.

Thanks to all my family and friends for your love and support!

I cheated:)

In less than 24 hours from now I find out if my IP’s are having a baby! The suspense didn’t hit me until yesterday when my case manager called me to see if I cheated and took a test. I didn’t take a test, but had one on hand. I didn’t take it because of the false positive or false negative if the timing was off.

I have to confess, I did take the test yesterday afternoon! I’m not going to reveal the results until after the blood test tomorrow. The positive to this is if the blood work comes back negative, I know that I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. I took all my meds at the exact time every day, and did all that was asked of me. If the test comes back positive, I’ll be more than excited for my IP’s. I will have no regrets no matter what! Now comes the longest 24 hour wait. It’s in God’s hands now.

Heating pad

The only thing I can say is “Oh, how I love thy heating pad”! I have really come to love my heating pad. After weeks of injections in my poor bruised bum, the only relief comes from that heating pad. It seems like a couple hours after my morning injections there is a small pocket of fluid left. I’ve noticed that after I apply the heating pad for an hour or so it goes away and feels so much better.

Since I’ve been sick, I didn’t want to expose my friend who’s been doing my injections to my illness, so yesterday I gave myself my daily injection in the wrong spot. I’ve never seen a bruise that big and yes, it hurt all day. I had to fall asleep with that heating pad on my bum. Much to my relief, I woke up to a happier, but still much bruised bum. I would have taken a picture, but didn’t want to scare anyone away. I’m very happy to have my friend do my injections tomorrow in the right spot!

The meaning of this blog today is to make sure you have a heating pad after before you start your injections!J

Transfer and California

I was in California for a week and then sick with the stomach bug so I haven’t had a chance to blog until today. We had our transfer last Friday the 5^th. It went so well and was so easy; no pain, just discomfort from a very full bladder. While the transfer was happening I just kept hoping that I wouldn’t pee all over myself. Luckily I didn’t or at least I don’t think I didJ

My week in California was amazing! We landed around 9am on Tuesday and couldn’t wait to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant. That was a great way to start the day. We then did some shopping and headed to our Dr. appointment. The appointment went great! That evening I finally got to meet the IP’s for dinner. We fell in love with the IP’s. They are such a neat couple and we had so much in common. We had such a good time that it didn’t seem like we were at the restaurant as long as we were. We all then headed back to the hotel for some much needed zzzzz’s.

The next day I had to start my progesterone. I had the nurse the day before draw a circle on my bum where it was safe to have the injection. That morning my husband was going to do the shot and that scared me more than anything. Maybe the fact that he was asking the nurse a lot of questions on how to do it made me nervous, so I did it myself! I was so proud of myself sticking a 1 ½ inch needle in my bum and not just 1 but 2 (Delestrogen was due too). I had no problems. I think doing the Lupron helped a lot. We then headed to visit my family and my husband went golfing.

On Thursday I invited my IM to spend the day with me shopping in Palm Springs while my husband and uncle golfed at their dream course, Big Horn in Palm Desert. What a blast we had, we had so much in common it was scary. I couldn’t have picked a better match if I tried. We would pick up a shirt or purse and turn around to show each other only to have the same thing in our hands and then we would have the same response. I did get child #1’s Christmas shopping almost done. Thanks to the Coach and Juicy Couture stores. After getting a little lost trying to find the golf course, we picked up the men and headed to the casino. I have never been gambling before and wanted to hit the slot machine. We were there all of 15 minutes. I did it and will never go back. It was way too smoky for me. After that we headed to downtown Disney for dinner and finally made it back to the hotel at 12:30 am.

Friday was the big day! We met up with the IM in the hotel lobby and headed over to the dr.’s office. I had on my red socks, since red means business. I don’t believe in luck, I believe in God and His will that will be done. Laurie from the agency also met us at the dr.’s office and was there for the transfer as well as my IM and my husband. I was so comfortable with them all there. I said a prayer with everyone before the transfer and the rest is in God’s hands. Then we went back to the hotel. My husband went to pick up food from our favorite restaurant and I watched a little TV and then slept. The sleep was awesome and my IM came by later to bring me magazines and a book.

It was such a great memorable week and I’m praying that I’m pregnant. I find out on the 17^th. I ate a lot of pineapple too, so if that myth is right I should hear good news next week.

We talked

I talked to the IM on Sunday and I couldn’t be more excited about all of this. She is such a perfect match for me. We both were raving about how wonderful Agency For Surrogacy Solutions is. We love how they have such a personal touch in the matching process! You’re not just a picture with a questionnaire on their website for everyone to look at, but a real person. They took the time to match the IP’s beliefs with mine.

I leave on Tuesday for California for the transfer which is scheduled for Friday the 5^th.  Our Heavenly Father has been so gracious; leading me to the agency, the IP’s, and California. I was born and raised in California and still have family there who I get to see!

My direction has changed a bit. I’ve been praying so hard for the transfer to work and no more than 2 babies that I forgot about praying for my IM. She has been through such a long emotional journey trying to conceive. I pray for peace for her as well as a positive pregnancy test in a couple weeks.

That was it!

I had my first “big” shot today, and it was nothing! I didn’t feel a thing. I thought that the little needle was easy but the big one was a breeze. I do have a word of advice: DO NOT go on You Tube and watch how to administer it. It scared me so much that I had to lie down to have my friend (she’s an ER nurse) give me the injection. I was shaking like a baby only to hear her say I’m done. That was great to hear! I’m still amazed at how easy this all is. I’m just praying that the transfer works.

I was telling my husband yesterday that I was going to start my new injection today and that one of the side effects was irritability. I told him not to worry since the Lupron was also supposed to cause irritability and I’ve had no problems with it. He chuckled and said it wasn’t irritability, it was HELL. We both started laughing! I have to say what a blessing my husband is…not one complaint during my so called “mood swings”. He learned to just keep saying “yes dear.” I just love that man I married!

Hot flashes

The hot flashes have begun, and I’m only 31! I thought I was doing well with the meds and not having any side affects except for memory loss. Wow, I was wrong. The hot flashes have started and I didn’t even notice until yesterday, as my kids are always wearing a sweater in the car and have blankets on in the house. I keep the AC cranked on high in the car, and wear shorts all day. The day I really start going through menopause I’m moving to the North PoleJ

I’ve also have never felt so heavy, not fat, but heavy. It’s like I have weights on my legs all day. My runs have been so slow that on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. My 4 mile run took an hour. I was getting so fed up with my slow times that I told myself that the medicines were not going to slow me down anymore. On Tuesday, I ran 4 miles in 35 minutes. Accomplishment, I love it!

The biggest complaint I’ve had is I’m so tired! I don’t ever remember a time in my life that I’ve been this tired. I’m taking a 2 hour nap every day with the little ones and I’m in bed by 9pm. It’s funny. Child #4 got a birthday invitation for Friday from 12-2. The only thing I could think of is are you kidding me? That’s my nap time. We are going to show up for an hour and then it’s nap time for us. Other than that, things are going so well and very easy. The doctor said that everything looks great and I’m exactly were I’m supposed to be. I’m looking forward to my 36 hours of bed rest next month!

So Relatable

October 15th is special

Today is national pregnancy and infant loss day. It doesn’t seem that many people even realize that a day even exists like that. October is usually known for breast cancer awareness, which is great too. I hold this day dear to me, as I have suffered from miscarriages.  I understand the pain, loss and future plans you had for that child are lost in just a moment.

It got me to thinking that there’s not a day for those who can’t have children. Those who are infertile or just struggling to get pregnant and can’t. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like month after month of trying only to have AF come for a visit. That, I’m sure, would have the same feeling as a miscarriage. Your hopes and dreams for a child you have not conceived are lost in that month. My heart just breaks for those not able to have a child, as my children are the world to me and I couldn’t begin to imagine how quiet my life would be without them. I’m the opposite…my husband looks at me and I’m pregnant.

I’ve never been more proud to be a surrogate and help a family’s dream of having a family come true. I’ve found comfort in the Natalie Grant song Held.

What's my name?

I had an interesting day with a little short term memory loss. I’m thinking that might be one of the effects of Lupron. I was signing my children in at church and completely forgot their names, ages and even forgot my name. Since we go to church every week they know us well, so we all had a good laugh. It did leave me with a strange feeling. Then I did laundry all day. Well, before I went to bed I went to get the toothpaste from my bathroom drawer, and there were all my husband’s socks! I don’t even remember putting them there. Again, all I could do was laugh…Just hope I don’t forget where I put my children.J

Lupron a success

1^st dose of Lupron I’m proud to announce was a success! I knew that Lupron would be easy for me to do myself since it can be done in your stomach. The joy of having 5 children means a little extra skin and loss of feeling in your stomach. Another plus is the needle is so small, so no pain as the needle goes in. The only negative I had was it did burn shortly after the injection, but applying a heating pad after helped a lot. I only wish the other shots that are coming had needles that smallJ

Winnie the Pooh

For some reason Winnie the Pooh crossed my mind today. It made me think about that in surrogacy you seem to get so many different reactions from friends, family, and even strangers. Which lead me to think that people are like the characters from Winnie the Pooh. Crazy I know, but if you think about it it’s true.

You have Eeyore who’s smart, but keeps to himself. Kind of like your neighbors on their opinions about what a surrogate really is. Then there’s Tigger who’s one of your good friends, who’s bouncy, and full of excitement about what you’re doing. Then there’s Piglet who I would think is like the IP’s, just going on a long adventure and hoping for a good outcome. You have Rabbit who I think is your agency keeping things together and organized.

I think surrogates that blog and help educate people are like Kanga and Owl, warning others of danger, offering advice and opinions. I think I have a movie I need to go watch!

The Meds. Arrived

Yay! The medication arrived today! I’m in shock just how much medication is needed for the whole process. I was very excited about receiving all the meds, but couldn’t believe the size of some of those needles! The only thought crossing my mind was “wow, my butt’s going to be hurting!”….  The major concern I have about all the meds, is how my body will react to so many in a short amount of time. I will have to wait and see. At least I don’t have to worry about my husband or myself doing the shots wrong. My good friend is an ER nurse and she’ll have the duty of giving me injections. Here's a picture of all my meds and needles.

My Agency!

If you’re looking for a wonderful HONEST agency, try mine. Agency For Surrogacy Solutions. I really did my homework when looking for an agency. I wanted someone who wasn’t just a receptionist to answer my questions, but a person who was in charge. I not only received a call back, I spent over an hour on the phone with Kathryn who answered all my questions and addressed my concerns.

The part I love most is both the owners Kathryn and Lauri have used surrogates themselves. They know the process so well and are very open about every process along with my case manager. When I went to California for my medical and physiological evaluation, I was greeted by Lauri with a big hug at the doctor’s office. I felt like a close friend or family member due to her warm greeting and conversation. She stayed with me through every procedure which meant so much to my husband and me.

If you need an agency, do your homework, read blogs, go to Surrogate mom’s online and educate yourself. I did just that and couldn’t be happier with my decision. If you might consider using Agency For Surrogacy Solutions, tell them you heard about them from Jen’s blog. If you have any questions, I would love to answer them for you!

I'm a Gestational Surrogate

I’ve had a lot of mixed reaction when telling friends and family that I’m going to be a surrogate. The first major question is how I can give the baby away. Let me tell you that I’m a gestational surrogate, so it’s not my baby. A gestational surrogate is one who doesn’t use her own eggs, but one of the IM or egg donors. The embryo is that of the IM and IF or of donors… There is NO way I would ever give any of my children away! The baby will not be biologically linked to me or my husband. Like I’ve told my kids I’m going to be babysitting someone else’s baby in my uterus, and when it’s born I give it back to their mommy and daddy.

How It Began

Becoming a surrogate is something I’ve always wanted to do since I was in high school. I watched on Dateline a story about surrogates and it made me really think that one day I would love to do that. I’ve watched my aunt struggle 14 years after the death of her daughter to have another child. She had miscarriages, failed adoption and nothing worked. It made me think more about being a surrogate, even more, so I could help her. I myself was not done having children, so I knew that I couldn’t emotionally do it for her. I love being a mom and hope to complete someone else’s dream of one day being a parent.

I’ve since completed my family! I have 5 children and love every minute with them. It was in December 2009 that I had my well woman check up and my doctor asked me if I was ready for another. I paused and realized I was done having my own, but missed being pregnant more than anything. That’s when I came home and told my husband it was time for me to become a surrogate. I started researching every agency under the stars, background checking who worked for the agencies and finally found one I loved! One of the owners talked to me for over an hour and answered all my questions. I was still breastfeeding my son, so I wasn’t able to be matched. I finished breastfeeding in April and was matched a week later with a great couple.  We flew to California in July to have my psychological evaluation and medical screening. All went well and then we had the wait game for a couple months.

I’m excited to say that we now finally have a date for a fresh embryo transfer. It will be November 5^th.  I’m now just waiting for the meds to arrive.