Not what I wanted to hear

Up until today if you asked me if I would do another surrogacy journey the answer would have been a definite yes. I loved being a surrogate, having a beautiful pregnant belly, and giving a couple a family. I had the most amazing experience with no regrets.

 

Today I had another doctor appointment to check my incision and to see if the stitches have dissolved. As of today, the stitches are still there, so no running yet for me. I did get the go ahead to go swimming and that might help the stitches dissolve. I go back in 2 weeks to check them and if they are still there, my doctor is going to remove them. I’m a little scared about having them removed. The good news is that I’m down another 4 pounds!

 

After talking to my doctor today and telling him that I would love to do this again, he had a look of shock. He told me he would not let me do another vaginal delivery and that I would have to have a C-Section. The reason is because I bled and tore so much he was afraid next time I may not stop bleeding and would need a blood transfusion. He said that would only work if my body could handle it. He also told me today, and I had no idea, that I had over 40 stitches! The babies were just too big and put so much pressure on my lower body. My doctor told me that I’m his only patient that has had that many stitches and after 40 minutes of working on me after delivery he wasn’t sure he would ever get the bleeding to stop.

 

After this conclusion, I decided today that I won’t do this again. I don’t want the recovery, pain and risk involved with a C-Section. I also don’t want to possibly bleed to death if I was to try a vaginal birth. I’m very sad about not doing this again, but maybe God will give me a change of heart in the future about a C-Section. I’m so grateful that all my birth plans have always been what I had hoped for and that my family is complete! I have no regrets over this entire process.

Coming out

Now that this journey has ended, I finally came out of hiding! On Sunday I was dropping my kids off at summer camp, and ran into a friend that works there. She had just found out from a mutual friend that I had given birth. She thought what I did was so amazing  and she had tears in her eyes. She told me that when God puts something in your heart and you follow through with it, then it’s meant to be shared with the world. At that moment I couldn’t agree more. On Wednesday I posted pictures of my journey on Facebook. I never thought I would put them on there.

It’s a little funny...as I was writing this, I got a phone call from my friend who owns a local newspaper. He has been asking me for months to do an article and I’ve turned him down. I will be doing the article after all!

Life goes on

It’s been 2 ½ weeks since the birth of the twins and it seems like a lifetime ago. My life is going on like it did before I was pregnant. Many of my friends and family have been wondering how I’ve been since the birth and if I had any bond with the boys. From the beginning I prayed that God would guard my heart and the heart of my children and he answered my prayers. I had no bond with the babies. When I looked at them it was looking at my friend’s babies. I carried and loved those boys, but not the way a mother looks, loves and bonds with her children.

In fact, the day after the boys were born I pumped around the clock every couple hours and got nothing, no milk, and no colostrum. I asked the lactician why that was happening and she said that my body has not recognized that I gave birth, to give it time and my milk would come in. After 5 days my milk finally came in on the 4^th of July. Now my free time is pumping for my surro-twins. Many people have been shocked that I would pump for the babies. Why would I not continue to still help these babies grow and thrive? In fact, one of the babies has a very sensitive stomach and is thriving on my milk. I’m so blessed that I can provide the milk to him and his brother.

I had my 2 week checkup last Thursday and all is healing well and there is no infection. I’m down 30 pounds with 15 pounds left to lose. I can’t believe how fast the weight is coming off! The babies also had their 2 week check up. “H” weighs 8 lbs and “W” weighs 7 lbs 3oz. I’m so proud of that.

I learned that the boys were the biggest twins that my doctor has ever delivered and the biggest that the hospital has ever had. And no NICU time too! Of course, that hospital has only been around for a year and half.

I have to say it’s been so great to have my 5 children keeping me busy. I think it made the transition much easier, as I had no baby blues. I didn’t with my #5 and I think it’s just being so busy, I don’t have time to cry or think about how I feel or should be feeling. I’m just proud and blessed at how it all started and ended. I have no regrets to being a surrogate and loved being able to finish a family’s dream of having more children. Seeing their face and hearing the excitement in their voice when they see or talk about their boys makes it worth it. I’m very blessed that my IP’s have allowed me to stay in their lives and have an open door to their home. There is not a day or moment that goes by that I don’t think about the boys. They will forever be a part of my life and a big part of my heart.

Part 2 of birth

After the birth, things started to get rough for me. I could see a reflection in the metal light above my doctor of what was going on. I was bleeding heavily and I noticed that he was having a hard time delivering the placenta. I was given some pills and started back on Pitocin to help my uterus contract. He finally delivered my placenta and I was bleeding even more. The anesthesiologist came back and had to start my epidural again.

As I was lying there, I could see that every time he tried to make a stitch it wouldn’t take. After about 45 minutes all he could do was package up my tears internally and wait to see what would happen. At that point I started to get very cold, the coldest I have ever been in my life. The nurse wrapped a few warm blankets around me, but I couldn’t stop shaking or stop my teeth from chattering. I was sent back to labor and delivery, where I was greeted by my IP’s and Baby A. I don’t remember too much as I was still very cold, except that I needed juice and lots of it. The nurses started me on some antibiotics and gave me some heavy pain killers through my IV. I was still shaking uncontrollably after an hour of warm blankets, so they got me a big blow up blanket that hooks up to a heater. After about an hour of it being at 120 degrees, I was starting to feel a little warm.

I was told that my blood pressure was very low and my heart rate was not in the normal range. I was probably going to need a blood transfusion because I was still bleeding very badly. I could feel my life slipping away and that was very scary. I was extremely glad that I didn’t just have a child of my own, because I would have never been able to hold that child or nurse it. After getting a little warm I was hooked up to a catheter and was told I would have to stay in bed until the packaging came out the next day. At 11:00 pm I was moved to the post partum room and was very confused. I remember trying to talk to people and then I would forget what I was saying. That was because of the heavy medication I was on. Then they took out the epidural, and I slept.

The next morning I was told that the bleeding was normal. The nurse took out the catheter and told me when I needed to get up to call her. The first time I got up was hard. My muscles were so weak and I had to hold onto everything in my room to walk. My husband came at around 10am and it was so great to see him. I also had a dozen yellow roses delivered to me from my IP’s. (Yellow roses are my favorite.) He planned on picking up our kids at noon so we could see that babies together as a family.

When my kids arrived it was such a great feeling. We all headed next door with our gifts for the boys. When we came in the room the boys were crying, and my kids made a very loud entrance. At that moment the boys both stopped crying. My IM said it was the first time since they were born to hear something familiar. That was really neat and, seeing these healthy big boys was just incredible. We all sat and the kids took turns holding the boys. My husband and I took pictures of everyone and of my IP’s with me and the boys. It was a memorable 2 hours, then the kids went home and I took a nap. After my nap I was greeted with my IM and Baby A. I got to love on that baby for about an hour and then my IP’s were off to find some bases for the boys’ car seats.

The next day, Saturday, my husband got to the hospital at 8am and we said a goodbye to the boys and I got ready to go home. I was discharged at 10am and was given a cute celebration cake. We said goodbye one more time and left. That night my IP’s came over to my home and we got to chat for a couple hours. I was hoping to say a final goodbye to the boys on Sunday morning, but received a text from the IM that they got to leave early and they were headed home. I was a little bummed, but was ok that their journey as a family of 5 was beginning and I was so proud that I made that possible. I was also glad to get back me.

The birth

On Wednesday night my IP’s called and said they were going to fly in on Thursday, since my doctor thought I would deliver on that day. Their flight was to arrive around 1 p.m. and they would rent a car and drive to the hospital arriving around 2 p.m. If I was to be induced they would be ready. I went to the doctor Thursday at 8:30 a.m. When he checked me I was at 5 c.m. and he wanted me to head to the hospital. I wanted to delay a bit to give my IP’s more of a chance of making it to the delivery. I went home, packed, picked up my husband and made it to the hospital at 10 a.m.

The hospital was very busy when we arrived and it took a while for a nurse to come in. The nurse came in about 40 minutes later to ask a bunch of questions and set up my I.V. As the nurse was asking about insurance, I wanted to make sure that the babies were on their parents insurance after delivery. She said she would make sure it all worked out because after her surro birth in March she’s still having insurance issues. I pause and said to her “did I hear you say you were a surrogate mom?” Her response; “Yes, 3 times.” I knew at that moment everything was going to be great and that I wouldn’t have to keep explaining my situation. She then started my I.V. around noon.

My doctor came in at 12:30 and said I was at a good 6-7 c.m. dilated. I couldn’t believe it. I was in labor without a steady stream of contractions. He told me they were going to start Pitocin, administer an epidural and then break my water. I had my epidural within 20 minutes and full blown labor started within 30 minutes. I could feel my whole right side and the contractions too. The anesthesiologist came back and fixed the epidural and it was perfect. I then just napped while my husband watched the Golf Channel.

At about 1:30 I could feel pressure and a feeling of wanting to push. Since I knew my IP’s would be there in less than an hour, I tried to not think about it. At 2:20 my IP’s walked in the door and I told her that Baby A was coming. The nurse came in at 2:30 to check me and Baby A’s head was close. My doctor was called and everyone had to put on scrubs and off to the O.R. we went. I was very excited because they allowed everyone to be in the room! My nurse draped me up to where no one could see anything from where they were standing. There was a big hurry to get ready as A was ready to see his parents. They turned off my epidural and I started to push. I couldn’t tell if I was pushing since I was so numb, but 2 pushes and Baby A was out. He was born at 2:58 and was 6 lbs. 15 oz. and very healthy.

Then within seconds of his birth they did a sonogram and found Baby B breech. My doctor tried to flip him as my body was pushing him out. The doctor then just had to grab his feet and pull him out. Baby B was born at 3:02 and was 6 lb 2 oz. He was also healthy and breathing on his own. My IP’s followed their boys to the warmer and then to the nursery. My husband stayed by my side but did sneak away for a moment to take some pictures.

Part 2 of this story will continue over the next day or two with the post birth and recovery stories.