Where o where can my baby be?

A week after the twins were born, I went to our community pool and noticed a couple babies sitting in their mom’s arms. As I was looking at the babies my mind was trying to figure out if one of them was a baby I delivered. Remember that after I gave birth my body never clicked that I had given birth. I think now my mind is trying to figure out where the baby is that I gave birth to.  It is a strange feeling when your mind is looking for something and it can’t find it.

It’s been 4 weeks since I’ve seen a baby and yesterday my daughter was babysitting a set of 1 year old triplets and a 4 week old baby. Of course, I had to come and see all the kids. It happened again. I was playing with the babies and my mind was trying to figure out, does that baby belong to me? I do not get sad by it and I still don’t want another baby. Even when I look at pictures of the twins, my mind still doesn’t process that they were the ones I gave birth to.

I was telling my husband over dinner about it, and how I wasn’t sure how long this would last. His answer was this could be one of those surrogate things that may never go away. It’s almost unfathomable to think that my mind could be always looking for that baby that will never exist. I also wonder if any of you other surrogates have experienced this too.

Do you know your agency well?

I found this article today and wanted to share. I know there are many surrogates who have used or are using them.

A Poway attorney admitted to being part of a black market baby-selling ring on Tuesday.

Theresa Erickson, 43, and her conspirators created an inventory of infants by impregnating women overseas and selling the babies for $100,000 each, U.S. Attorney Laura Duffy said.
Erickson offered her baby inventory to unsuspecting parents, claiming the babies would be born from a surrogate mother but the original parents had backed out of the arrangement.
Erickson also admitted to submitting false documents to the San Diego Superior Court, which stated the unborn babies were the products of a legitimate surrogacy arrangement, Duffy said. Once the papers were filed the court, Duffy said Erickson would then add the names of the parents who had purchased the child.
Erickson also submitted claims to the State of California's Access for Infants and Mothers program to pay for the children's delivery.
Erickson is charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud. She faces a maximum fine of $250,000 and up to five years in prison.
Erickson's co-conspirators and Carla Chambers and Hilary Neiman already pleaded guilty to fraud and conspiracy charges. Theresa Erickson is scheduled to be sentenced on October 28, 2011.