For blogger Stacey

This is for a fellow blogger Stacey, I can't make comments on your blog:( I really wanted to let you and your IP's know that we've been praying for those sweet boys and so happy for God's healing of them. Keep growing boys so you can come home soon!

Here is the comment I wanted to post:
I'm so happy the babies are doing well! Are the babies not able to be held yet by others? I'll keep praying for them and that they will be healthy enough for you to hold. I treasure the moments that I got to hold my surro-twins. Hope your day comes soon.

3 1/2 months update

How time goes by! The twins are now 3 1/2 months old. If you remember after the twins were born, my body never realized that I gave birth. That has all changed as of a couple weeks ago. I talked to their mom on the phone and she was telling me all about their personalities. At that moment she could have stopped talking and I could have finished telling her about them. I think that's when it started to click in my brain and then she sent a picture of them. At that moment of hearing about them and then seeing the picture it finally clicked. Not only did I give birth, but I gave birth to them. I started to cry thinking about how I missed them growing inside me, and how I know them so well but they will never remember me. They will never remember my voice, my children's voices, and even the sound of my heart beating. I had the "baby blues" for 2 days and then I was fine. I was experiencing all the emotions I should have had after they were born. It just took a couple extra months. I talked to some women in a support group I'm in who said it was normal and that once I see them and know that they are OK, I will feel better.

I'm hoping that in the next couple weeks I will be able to see those sweet boys. I want so much to hold them again. I am so proud of what I've done for those boys and want to see my accomplishment. I also stopped pumping 3 weeks ago. It was bittersweet. I was glad that I was able to give them the best start with my milk. On the other hand, I was ready to get all of me back. Ready to lose the 15 pounds I have left, not having to set the clock to be back home after 3 hours to pump, and all in time for my husbands 25 year high school reunion. The timing was perfect. The boys had 3 months of breast milk and that's more than some babies ever get.

Now to the questions I get most often:
1. How am I feeling?
The truth to that is great. I still have moments where my stomach cramps, from carrying so much weight. I've gotten back to running, but that's hard since I have an extra 15 pounds of weight that I have yet to lose. The one thing that is hard for me is that I forget that I just gave birth to twins, and need to take things slower so that my body can heal right.

2. How can I not have a bond with the babies?
Like I've said before they were never my babies or my DNA, so I blocked it out. They were not conceived out of love with my husband. Don't get me wrong. They were loved by me, but conceived for the love of their parents. I was the babysitter for those 9 months. Think about those single parents that have to go to war for a year at a time. Who watches those kids? Do those caregivers get attached to the children and want to keep them? My guess is no. They keep them safe, warm, fed, and loved until their parent comes back to get them. Does the babysitter miss them? I'm sure she does, but she is so happy that the child is back with their parent where they belong. That is how I feel. I was and am a proud babysitter of those sweet boys.

Where o where can my baby be?

A week after the twins were born, I went to our community pool and noticed a couple babies sitting in their mom’s arms. As I was looking at the babies my mind was trying to figure out if one of them was a baby I delivered. Remember that after I gave birth my body never clicked that I had given birth. I think now my mind is trying to figure out where the baby is that I gave birth to.  It is a strange feeling when your mind is looking for something and it can’t find it.

It’s been 4 weeks since I’ve seen a baby and yesterday my daughter was babysitting a set of 1 year old triplets and a 4 week old baby. Of course, I had to come and see all the kids. It happened again. I was playing with the babies and my mind was trying to figure out, does that baby belong to me? I do not get sad by it and I still don’t want another baby. Even when I look at pictures of the twins, my mind still doesn’t process that they were the ones I gave birth to.

I was telling my husband over dinner about it, and how I wasn’t sure how long this would last. His answer was this could be one of those surrogate things that may never go away. It’s almost unfathomable to think that my mind could be always looking for that baby that will never exist. I also wonder if any of you other surrogates have experienced this too.

Do you know your agency well?

I found this article today and wanted to share. I know there are many surrogates who have used or are using them.

A Poway attorney admitted to being part of a black market baby-selling ring on Tuesday.

Theresa Erickson, 43, and her conspirators created an inventory of infants by impregnating women overseas and selling the babies for $100,000 each, U.S. Attorney Laura Duffy said.
Erickson offered her baby inventory to unsuspecting parents, claiming the babies would be born from a surrogate mother but the original parents had backed out of the arrangement.
Erickson also admitted to submitting false documents to the San Diego Superior Court, which stated the unborn babies were the products of a legitimate surrogacy arrangement, Duffy said. Once the papers were filed the court, Duffy said Erickson would then add the names of the parents who had purchased the child.
Erickson also submitted claims to the State of California's Access for Infants and Mothers program to pay for the children's delivery.
Erickson is charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud. She faces a maximum fine of $250,000 and up to five years in prison.
Erickson's co-conspirators and Carla Chambers and Hilary Neiman already pleaded guilty to fraud and conspiracy charges. Theresa Erickson is scheduled to be sentenced on October 28, 2011.

Not what I wanted to hear

Up until today if you asked me if I would do another surrogacy journey the answer would have been a definite yes. I loved being a surrogate, having a beautiful pregnant belly, and giving a couple a family. I had the most amazing experience with no regrets.

 

Today I had another doctor appointment to check my incision and to see if the stitches have dissolved. As of today, the stitches are still there, so no running yet for me. I did get the go ahead to go swimming and that might help the stitches dissolve. I go back in 2 weeks to check them and if they are still there, my doctor is going to remove them. I’m a little scared about having them removed. The good news is that I’m down another 4 pounds!

 

After talking to my doctor today and telling him that I would love to do this again, he had a look of shock. He told me he would not let me do another vaginal delivery and that I would have to have a C-Section. The reason is because I bled and tore so much he was afraid next time I may not stop bleeding and would need a blood transfusion. He said that would only work if my body could handle it. He also told me today, and I had no idea, that I had over 40 stitches! The babies were just too big and put so much pressure on my lower body. My doctor told me that I’m his only patient that has had that many stitches and after 40 minutes of working on me after delivery he wasn’t sure he would ever get the bleeding to stop.

 

After this conclusion, I decided today that I won’t do this again. I don’t want the recovery, pain and risk involved with a C-Section. I also don’t want to possibly bleed to death if I was to try a vaginal birth. I’m very sad about not doing this again, but maybe God will give me a change of heart in the future about a C-Section. I’m so grateful that all my birth plans have always been what I had hoped for and that my family is complete! I have no regrets over this entire process.

Coming out

Now that this journey has ended, I finally came out of hiding! On Sunday I was dropping my kids off at summer camp, and ran into a friend that works there. She had just found out from a mutual friend that I had given birth. She thought what I did was so amazing  and she had tears in her eyes. She told me that when God puts something in your heart and you follow through with it, then it’s meant to be shared with the world. At that moment I couldn’t agree more. On Wednesday I posted pictures of my journey on Facebook. I never thought I would put them on there.

It’s a little funny...as I was writing this, I got a phone call from my friend who owns a local newspaper. He has been asking me for months to do an article and I’ve turned him down. I will be doing the article after all!

Life goes on

It’s been 2 ½ weeks since the birth of the twins and it seems like a lifetime ago. My life is going on like it did before I was pregnant. Many of my friends and family have been wondering how I’ve been since the birth and if I had any bond with the boys. From the beginning I prayed that God would guard my heart and the heart of my children and he answered my prayers. I had no bond with the babies. When I looked at them it was looking at my friend’s babies. I carried and loved those boys, but not the way a mother looks, loves and bonds with her children.

In fact, the day after the boys were born I pumped around the clock every couple hours and got nothing, no milk, and no colostrum. I asked the lactician why that was happening and she said that my body has not recognized that I gave birth, to give it time and my milk would come in. After 5 days my milk finally came in on the 4^th of July. Now my free time is pumping for my surro-twins. Many people have been shocked that I would pump for the babies. Why would I not continue to still help these babies grow and thrive? In fact, one of the babies has a very sensitive stomach and is thriving on my milk. I’m so blessed that I can provide the milk to him and his brother.

I had my 2 week checkup last Thursday and all is healing well and there is no infection. I’m down 30 pounds with 15 pounds left to lose. I can’t believe how fast the weight is coming off! The babies also had their 2 week check up. “H” weighs 8 lbs and “W” weighs 7 lbs 3oz. I’m so proud of that.

I learned that the boys were the biggest twins that my doctor has ever delivered and the biggest that the hospital has ever had. And no NICU time too! Of course, that hospital has only been around for a year and half.

I have to say it’s been so great to have my 5 children keeping me busy. I think it made the transition much easier, as I had no baby blues. I didn’t with my #5 and I think it’s just being so busy, I don’t have time to cry or think about how I feel or should be feeling. I’m just proud and blessed at how it all started and ended. I have no regrets to being a surrogate and loved being able to finish a family’s dream of having more children. Seeing their face and hearing the excitement in their voice when they see or talk about their boys makes it worth it. I’m very blessed that my IP’s have allowed me to stay in their lives and have an open door to their home. There is not a day or moment that goes by that I don’t think about the boys. They will forever be a part of my life and a big part of my heart.

Part 2 of birth

After the birth, things started to get rough for me. I could see a reflection in the metal light above my doctor of what was going on. I was bleeding heavily and I noticed that he was having a hard time delivering the placenta. I was given some pills and started back on Pitocin to help my uterus contract. He finally delivered my placenta and I was bleeding even more. The anesthesiologist came back and had to start my epidural again.

As I was lying there, I could see that every time he tried to make a stitch it wouldn’t take. After about 45 minutes all he could do was package up my tears internally and wait to see what would happen. At that point I started to get very cold, the coldest I have ever been in my life. The nurse wrapped a few warm blankets around me, but I couldn’t stop shaking or stop my teeth from chattering. I was sent back to labor and delivery, where I was greeted by my IP’s and Baby A. I don’t remember too much as I was still very cold, except that I needed juice and lots of it. The nurses started me on some antibiotics and gave me some heavy pain killers through my IV. I was still shaking uncontrollably after an hour of warm blankets, so they got me a big blow up blanket that hooks up to a heater. After about an hour of it being at 120 degrees, I was starting to feel a little warm.

I was told that my blood pressure was very low and my heart rate was not in the normal range. I was probably going to need a blood transfusion because I was still bleeding very badly. I could feel my life slipping away and that was very scary. I was extremely glad that I didn’t just have a child of my own, because I would have never been able to hold that child or nurse it. After getting a little warm I was hooked up to a catheter and was told I would have to stay in bed until the packaging came out the next day. At 11:00 pm I was moved to the post partum room and was very confused. I remember trying to talk to people and then I would forget what I was saying. That was because of the heavy medication I was on. Then they took out the epidural, and I slept.

The next morning I was told that the bleeding was normal. The nurse took out the catheter and told me when I needed to get up to call her. The first time I got up was hard. My muscles were so weak and I had to hold onto everything in my room to walk. My husband came at around 10am and it was so great to see him. I also had a dozen yellow roses delivered to me from my IP’s. (Yellow roses are my favorite.) He planned on picking up our kids at noon so we could see that babies together as a family.

When my kids arrived it was such a great feeling. We all headed next door with our gifts for the boys. When we came in the room the boys were crying, and my kids made a very loud entrance. At that moment the boys both stopped crying. My IM said it was the first time since they were born to hear something familiar. That was really neat and, seeing these healthy big boys was just incredible. We all sat and the kids took turns holding the boys. My husband and I took pictures of everyone and of my IP’s with me and the boys. It was a memorable 2 hours, then the kids went home and I took a nap. After my nap I was greeted with my IM and Baby A. I got to love on that baby for about an hour and then my IP’s were off to find some bases for the boys’ car seats.

The next day, Saturday, my husband got to the hospital at 8am and we said a goodbye to the boys and I got ready to go home. I was discharged at 10am and was given a cute celebration cake. We said goodbye one more time and left. That night my IP’s came over to my home and we got to chat for a couple hours. I was hoping to say a final goodbye to the boys on Sunday morning, but received a text from the IM that they got to leave early and they were headed home. I was a little bummed, but was ok that their journey as a family of 5 was beginning and I was so proud that I made that possible. I was also glad to get back me.

The birth

On Wednesday night my IP’s called and said they were going to fly in on Thursday, since my doctor thought I would deliver on that day. Their flight was to arrive around 1 p.m. and they would rent a car and drive to the hospital arriving around 2 p.m. If I was to be induced they would be ready. I went to the doctor Thursday at 8:30 a.m. When he checked me I was at 5 c.m. and he wanted me to head to the hospital. I wanted to delay a bit to give my IP’s more of a chance of making it to the delivery. I went home, packed, picked up my husband and made it to the hospital at 10 a.m.

The hospital was very busy when we arrived and it took a while for a nurse to come in. The nurse came in about 40 minutes later to ask a bunch of questions and set up my I.V. As the nurse was asking about insurance, I wanted to make sure that the babies were on their parents insurance after delivery. She said she would make sure it all worked out because after her surro birth in March she’s still having insurance issues. I pause and said to her “did I hear you say you were a surrogate mom?” Her response; “Yes, 3 times.” I knew at that moment everything was going to be great and that I wouldn’t have to keep explaining my situation. She then started my I.V. around noon.

My doctor came in at 12:30 and said I was at a good 6-7 c.m. dilated. I couldn’t believe it. I was in labor without a steady stream of contractions. He told me they were going to start Pitocin, administer an epidural and then break my water. I had my epidural within 20 minutes and full blown labor started within 30 minutes. I could feel my whole right side and the contractions too. The anesthesiologist came back and fixed the epidural and it was perfect. I then just napped while my husband watched the Golf Channel.

At about 1:30 I could feel pressure and a feeling of wanting to push. Since I knew my IP’s would be there in less than an hour, I tried to not think about it. At 2:20 my IP’s walked in the door and I told her that Baby A was coming. The nurse came in at 2:30 to check me and Baby A’s head was close. My doctor was called and everyone had to put on scrubs and off to the O.R. we went. I was very excited because they allowed everyone to be in the room! My nurse draped me up to where no one could see anything from where they were standing. There was a big hurry to get ready as A was ready to see his parents. They turned off my epidural and I started to push. I couldn’t tell if I was pushing since I was so numb, but 2 pushes and Baby A was out. He was born at 2:58 and was 6 lbs. 15 oz. and very healthy.

Then within seconds of his birth they did a sonogram and found Baby B breech. My doctor tried to flip him as my body was pushing him out. The doctor then just had to grab his feet and pull him out. Baby B was born at 3:02 and was 6 lb 2 oz. He was also healthy and breathing on his own. My IP’s followed their boys to the warmer and then to the nursery. My husband stayed by my side but did sneak away for a moment to take some pictures.

Part 2 of this story will continue over the next day or two with the post birth and recovery stories.

Going in

In less than an hour I will be at the hospital. The doctor said I was at least a good 5cm and 80% effaced. Please keep me in your prayers that all goes well and no c-section.

36 weeks!

36 weeks and yes, I have a smile on my face! I have been feeling so much better since my last blog. The babies dropped and now I can breathe. I can shave my legs without feeling like I’m going to pass out. The only problem right now is that my legs and feet have started to swell, but that’s not a problem to me since we made it to 36 weeks!

The babies are getting so big and are perfect. Baby A is 6lb 8oz and Baby B is 6lb 9oz. They both were practicing their breathing and are getting ready to make an appearance soon.

On Monday night I started having contractions which had no pattern so I waited until my doctor’s appointment in the morning to see what was going on. Well, I’m now at 3 ½ to a 4 cm dilated and 50% effaced. My doctor is going to check me tomorrow (Thursday) to see if I progressed any further. If I am past a 4 he will admit me into the hospital for an induction. He doesn’t want to take the risk of my water breaking at home and then delivering the twins there. The longest I have ever gone between my water breaking and giving birth is 25 minutes.

My appointment is at 8:30 am and after I know something my IM will fly into town or stay put. I just can’t believe that this pregnancy is almost over. It’s a very real feeling and I can’t wait to see what’s behind door number 2 as I enter the 2^nd and final part of this journey.

Rough night

Today was my follow up check up from Tuesday. I’m happy to say that I’ve made no change since Tuesday and I’m still at a 3. I was so excited to hear that all day. According to the FFN test, I know that I’m going to make it to 36 weeks. That is so great because I know the chances of the babies being in the NICU are very slim at 36 weeks.

You would think with all that great news that tonight I would still be on cloud nine. Well, I’m not. I just got done pre-treating my shirt that once again I spilled half my dinner on. My belly is so big that I can’t sit close to the table so half of the food makes it in my mouth while the other half is on me or the floor. At that moment of cleaning my shirt I lost it! I’m done being pregnant, I’m done not being able to sleep and most of all I’m done not being the nice wife and mom. It must be the hormones and I know that I chose all of this, but this is how I feel at this moment.

I so badly want to pick up my baby boy and hold him close to me, but I can’t and that is taking a toll on me right now. I also miss being with my husband. Wink, Wink! That’s about all for tonight. I’m going to go and have a poor me party with some ice-cream and call it a night. I pray for a better tomorrow or nicer hormones, at this point I need both.

Goal surpassed!

I did it! I hit my personal goal of 34 weeks and yes, I’m very proud of myself.

On Monday night I started to have some pretty intense contractions. I was up almost the whole night, but wasn’t going to go into the hospital until I felt that I was in true labor and needed an epidural. I knew that I was going to see my doctor on Tuesday morning and really wanted to wait until then. I made it to Tuesday still not knowing if I was in labor. My doctor did a check and found that I was 3cm dilated. He then ran another FFN test and sent me in for a sonogram.

The sonogram showed Baby A still head down and both babies have great fluid, so my water did not break or leak. They looked to make sure the cord, placenta and babies looked good and all were perfect! They then checked to see if the babies were practicing their breathing and they aced that too! Way to go baby boys!

I got the results of my FFN test and it came back negative. I’m not sure how right it is, because I feel that my body is getting ready for these boys to come within the next week.

Heading into the home stretch

I haven’t posted in a while since Blogger has had so many problems. Every time I tried to post a blog it wouldn’t let me, and it also still won’t let me make comments to others’ posts. I think they fixed the problem except for the comment part. That is why I’ve been so quiet.

On May 23rd I had a wonderful doctor’s appointment. My cervix had closed and thickened up a lot. It’s still a shock how a weekly shot of pogesterone can make such a big difference on my cervix lining. The babies looked great too! Baby A weighs 4lbs 2oz and Baby B 3lbs 3oz. My FFN test also came back negative and my doctor said all I needed to do was come back the following week just for my shot of pogesterone. I asked him if I could just do it at home and he said YES, only because I gave myself so many already in the beginning of the pregnancy. That was great not to have to go to the doctor for 2 whole weeks!

I had another wonderful appointment on June 7^th. My cervix is even thicker and closed even more. I actually think I’m going to make it full term! Baby A now weighs 5lb 5oz and Baby B is 5 lb 1 oz. They are growing very well and I’m very proud of that! It’s amazing to me that they are 33 weeks and are so big. My first child was 5lb 15 oz full term.

I’m really also starting to feel the effects of carrying twins. My back is in constant pain and for the first time ever, I have round ligament pain. In 5 pregnancies I’ve never had any growing pains and let me tell you, they hurt a lot. I also was not getting any sleep for days at a time, so my wonderful doctor gave me some Ambien. I just take half and I can finally sleep. I also told my doctor that if I couldn’t get anything I would text him every 5 minutes so he could stay awake just like me.

Top 3 questions

Just wanted to share 3 of the dumbest comments/questions I’ve been asked.

#3 When the babies are born they don’t go home with you? The other family will just take them home and give them formula or how does that go?

#2  When do you get to bring them home so all your friends can meet them? Oh, and by the way, can you have a baby for me too?

#1 Since raising two babies at one time is a lot of work, do you think they will let me adopt one of the boys?

Just typing this makes me relive those moments and laugh out loud. With #1, I really thought she was joking. She wasn’t!

Visit and tour

You would think being on bed rest I would have more time to blog. Truth is, I’m just too bored to even bother some days. That would explain the 6 pound weight gain in 1 week.

My IM made her new flight on Thursday. It was so great to see her! My husband picked her up from the airport and met me at the doctor. It was so fun to see the 3d/4d sonogram of her sweet babies. It was the first time in about 8 weeks that the boys showed us their faces. Even more amazing was seeing the IM’s face while looking at her boys! She couldn’t believe how much they look like her husband and daughter. After the appointment, my doctor gave me the ok to take a tour of the hospital as long as I was in a wheel chair, and go out to lunch.

The hospital staff was so supportive and gave us both so much information on what would happen before, during, and after birth. It seemed that every staff member we had from L&D, nursery and NICU had some type of fertility issue. They just thought it was amazing and a blessing what I was doing for my IP’s. I truly feel the same way too! After the tour, the IM and I had the best lunch. I enjoyed being out of the house so much! I feel like I sampled one of everything on the menu. No Joke! After lunch I took her to the airport and was beyond ready for a nap. I think I took a 4 hour nap and still went to bed early.

My IM also gave me 5 new charms for my Pandora bracelet, which almost makes it complete. I also got a very cute comfy dress too! My IP’s are so good to me; I’m very blessed we found each other with the help of Agency 4 Surrogacy Solutions, which I just love too.

Now onto Monday’s appointment. I had my weekly cervix check and I now have no more cervix lining left. It was barely open, so the doctor was not too concerned. He was worried, but having the FFN come back negative and having no contractions, he thinks I’m good until next Monday. He will repeat the FFN test on Monday. Please keep these babies in your prayers that they stay put at least another 4 weeks. I am very pleased that we did hit our first goal of 30 weeks today! Doctor has the next goal of 32 weeks and then 34. My goal is to reach at least 34 and anything after that would be a blessing.

Monday's visit

I have nothing but good news from Monday’s doctor visit. My FFN test came back negative. That means there are no signs of labor for the next two weeks. The progesterone injections are working too. In the sonogram you can see where my cervix has closed a little, compared to last week’s sonogram. I’m so glad that between all the medication and bed rest these babies are thriving and staying put.

My IM’s flight was cancelled tonight, so she’s catching the first flight out tomorrow to see her little boys in 3D. We are also going to register and tour the hospital. The social worker from the hospital will greet me in the lobby with a wheelchair, so I can join the tour.

Lastly, I’m so happy we made it to 29 weeks! I’m praying for at least another 5 weeks! I’ll be on cloud nine if I make it another 8 weeks.

Marilyn

Every time I’m pregnant I always get the strangest dreams. During this pregnancy I really haven’t had any, probably because I have to use the bathroom every hour. On Sunday I had the craziest dream that Marilyn Manson was coming to my area for a concert and the people in charge of the venue wanted me to pick him up from the airport. After I picked him up from the airport we just clicked and then started dating. I didn’t get to finish how the dream or nightmare ended as I was woken up with breakfast in bed by my kids and husband. The funniest part about the dream was telling my 13 year old about it.  Even better than that was showing her a picture of him and seeing her face! Priceless. I am a fan, however. Don’t tell my kids.

Then, last night I had a dream that I went into labor and delivered triplets! Somehow there was an extra baby hiding somewhere in my belly. Glad I got to wake up from that one.

I'll leave you with the picture of Marilyn.

A week late

I’m only about a week late writing this. Last Monday I had my weekly sonogram to check my cervix’s lining. My cervix has thinned out more leaving only 1 cm left. The good news is that the funneling has slowed down. Instead of the cervix widening, it’s just opening up like a small string. I was able to dodge the hospital once again. My doctor is doing everything he would have done if I was in the hospital. One of the things was bringing back the progesterone injections. At least this time it’s once a week, and yes, the lump is back. He also gave me two doses of steroids for the baby’s lungs. Lastly, the doctor put me on another medication to help keep the uterus quiet. Between all the medications, I have not had any contractions in about 5 days.

We did get a peek at the babies at my appointment. Baby A is 2 lbs. 13 oz. and baby B is 2 lbs. 10 oz. They are growing perfectly and were practicing their breathing for after they are born. It was so neat to see them. My IM is also coming to town on Thursday to get a 3D sonogram of the babies and to register at the hospital. I’m really looking forward to seeing her. I also go back to the doctor tomorrow to check my lining and get another shot of progesterone

Royal bedrest

Being on bed rest requires a lot of T.V. watching. This week it’s been nothing but the royal wedding, Say Yes To The Dress, and 16 and Pregnant. All the wedding hype got me reminiscing about my own wedding and how far we’ve come in 13 years.

I remember like it was yesterday, when my husband told me he wanted to start a family. We were at our reception dinner and he leaned over and told me he was ready to start a family if I was ready too. It still gives me butterflies to this day thinking back to that moment. In fact before we left in our limo from the church to our reception, we had my husband’s little nephews and my little brother crying. We asked why they were crying and they said they wanted to ride in the limo too, but were told they couldn’t. I knew at that moment we were going to have a big family, as we invited all the kids to ride in the limo with us. You can imagine the fun we had in the limo with the kids.

It’s incredible to me that we have 5 of the most healthy, happy kids and that our family is complete. Also, that we’re helping another family complete their family too. My husband is the most amazing, supportive man and actually meant every one of his vows to me.

When I went shopping for my wedding dress, Princess Diana’s dress was my inspiration. Well, at least her train. I wanted the longest, beaded dress the store had. The looks I got at the bridal store were of shock. I was getting married in August in Texas, which means HOT! Long story short, I found the perfect dress with the longest train. My dress weighed 30 pounds and it was 115 degrees on our wedding day. I think I’m still sweating from that day. Below is a picture of the back of the dress. It’s not as long as Princess Diana’s, but was long and perfect enough for that day.

27 weeks

       I thought it would be fun to compare being pregnant with twins to being pregnant with one.

   This is me 27 weeks pregnant with my 5th child who just turned 2 yesterday.

                                                   Me again 27 weeks with the twins.

Bedrest

I had my doctor’s appointment today and things didn’t look good. I only have 1.9cm left of my cervix and now I’m on bed rest. That was not the outcome I was hoping for, but I did prepare myself for the worst. I will do anything I have to do so that these babies are born as close to full term as possible. I also have to start a medication to help stop my uterus from contracting.

I’m feeling like a failure today. The one thing I can do and do well is pregnancy. My doctor assured me that I’m right on track for twins and this is all normal. I’m just frustrated that my kids might have to go to daycare. My hope is that I find a great nanny. I’m also frustrated that I probably won’t go to 36 weeks. How do others make it to 36 plus weeks with twins? I don’t get it! Never when I’ve been pregnant have I hit a wall and last week I hit it and hit it hard. My legs and feet are so swollen and full of fluid, so walking or standing is almost impossible without pain.

My goal is still to make it another 7 weeks. That will bring me to 34 weeks and the babies will not have a lot of complications. If they make it longer that would be a bonus. I’m waiting on my FFN test result to come in which will reveal if labor is near. Let’s hope that test is not positive. If it is, I will have to head to the hospital. Please keep the prayers coming.

How I spent my Tuesday

Tuesday I woke up not feeling so well, and then at 9am it hit me and hit me hard. The stomach bug made a grand entrance. It was so bad that my husband had to call into work and play “Mr. Mom.” By about 3:00 in the afternoon, I couldn’t take it anymore. I nearly passed out and thought I was going to drown in my toilet after throwing up blood. Keep in mind that I had nothing to eat or drink at all that day or the night before, so I had no idea how I could keep getting sick. I called my doctor and he told me I had to go to my least favorite hospital, because if I showed signs of labor the other hospital (that I like) would not take me. Against my better judgment I went to that ER. I was seen right away, probably because I couldn’t stop vomiting in the waiting room. They took me back and started an IV and gave me Zofran through the IV. It didn’t work, so they added more. I finally got relief for about an hour, and then the IV fluid started making me sick. My OB came in at that time and told me I was severely dehydrated, and had a very bad UTI. I was shocked. Never in my life have I had a UTI. He said it was common when pregnant and even more with twins.

He then wanted an antibiotic started in my IV along with more Zofran and fluid. I told him I had started contracting and he checked me. My cervix was closed and thick so that was the best news all night. He left to go home and the ER took over. About 20 minutes into the new bag of IV fluids I got sick again. The ER doctor came in, I told him I was still sick and having contractions. He told me that he will give me Phenergan and that I’d be fine. So the nurse gave it to me and then took out my IV. I took a moment to throw up again and they told me it’s time to leave. I was thinking, “what the hell, I’m not better.” But I left, hoping my husband was outside waiting for me and he’s wasn’t. I sent him to the mall to pick up a birthday present for our daughter who was turning 6 on Wednesday. Even though I’m sick I want her to still have a happy day. That’s what being a mom is about.

So I was in the parking lot drugged up, tired, and I couldn’t stop vomiting. By the time my husband came,  I was throwing up blood again. He raised hell in the ER, and called my doctor. He told me just to go to L&D at the other hospital. I spent the night in L&D contacting every 3 minutes for a minute long. They slowly dripped the IV fluid in my arm with more Zofran and finally got it under control. I made it home just in time for my daughter’s birthday dinner. That was the best feeling to see her so happy, and so happy to see me home from the hospital.

The next morning I was running fever and still contracting, but not as bad or often. I go and see my doctor on Monday and he will run some more tests to see if labor is near. I have a feeling that bed rest is coming and I’m ok with that as long as babies stay in for at least another 8 weeks. Please keep these babies in your prayers that they won’t be in a hurry to get here.

Hanging in there.

We had better news Wednesday. I found out that I don’t have Gestational diabetes, but I’m anemic. I now have to take iron pills daily. Also, I’m still funneling. My cervix is measuring at 3.7 and a week ago it was 4.2. My doctor is still not too concerned because I had so much cervix lining to start with. He did run the fetal test to see if I would be going into labor in the next couple of weeks and that came back negative. That means no hospital for now.

I still have to take it very easy and I go back next week on the 20^th to check my cervix and the babies.

The good and the ok

I had my 24 week checkup yesterday and it was filled with great news and OK news. First, the great news. The babies are getting big, both are measuring at 24 weeks and weighing 1 pound 9 oz. Yea for the boys growing right on target! I gained my 6 pounds for the month like I’m supposed to, and the best news is that both babies are head down! That means no c-section if they stay that way.

A crazy thing happened to me while I was having a sonogram. I started to get very dizzy and nauseous. I told the lady that I had to get up because I was going to get sick. She told me turn on my left side immediately, turned on the fan and brought me the trash can. I just wanted to sit up, but she said no you have to lie on your left side. After a couple of minutes I started to feel better and got to sit up. She told me that because I was on my back for a while the babies were probably sitting a vein that goes to my heart. When that happens it causes women to pass out, and is very common when pregnant with multiples. Yikes! I’m glad I didn’t. From now on they are going to scan me sitting up.

Now, the OK news. The doctor wanted to have an internal Sono done to check my cervix’s lining. The news was not what I wanted to hear. In the past 4 weeks I’ve thinned out or as he called it, “I’m funneling.” My numbers are still very good and he’s not concerned about early labor yet because I’ve never had early labor and have had 5 children with no problems. If you remember 4 weeks ago I was the over achiever with the lining at 5.3 when 4.0 would have been perfect. I was at 4.2 yesterday so still good, but too early to be having any funneling. I go in on Wednesday to have a fetal fibronectin test done. I think that’s what it’s called. It’s a test to see if I will go into labor in the next 2 weeks and also another scan to check for more funneling. If any of them come back positive then the dreaded bed rest will begin, first in the hospital, and then at home. I’m praying that doesn’t happen. I’m hoping all the change happened last week when baby A flipped head down. I also have to abstain from intercourse for a week!

I’m now just hoping and praying that these boys stay put for at least another 10 weeks. The count down has begun.

And suddenly I feel like...

Up until today, I have felt so great, even forgetting that I’m pregnant with twins. Today it hit me; I feel 6 months pregnant with twins. I’m thinking that the babies might have flipped into some strange position. I feel very fat, unattractive, tired, uncomfortable, and I can’t make it up my stairs without having the air sucked out of me. Is it still worth it you ask? YES! I’ve been thinking about my IM and how much she would have loved to feel some of the discomfort that I’m feeling today, but never will. I’m just having a “poopy” day.

When my husband came home, all I could think of was how I would love to take a shower, fix my hair and put on a sexy nightgown. Yes, even pregnant I still want to look sexy for my husband.  It got me thinking again about how Victoria Secret needs to partner with A Pea In The Pod on a sexy PJ line for us pregnant women! Thanks to Reebok, I have a cute workout outfit, Heidi Klum for my “girl’s night out” outfit and Lilly Pulitzer for the cute swimsuit. Now if Victoria Secret could partner up, I’d be one sexy pregnant woman tonight. Instead, I’m going to put on my lounge pants, do my hair, and watch Say Yes To The Dress.

It's been a while

It’s amazing how fast this pregnancy is going, and how I have had very little time to even blog.

3 weeks ago I met with the high risk OB just to make sure that my doctor hadn’t missed anything with the babies. The babies looked perfect and without a doubt are boys. The doctor had a weight chart he likes to go by. He said Barbra Luke developed this chart who is an author of books about being pregnant with multiples. Her chart states that if you gain between 20-30 pounds by 20 weeks then your chance of bed rest and early labor are greatly reduced. So yea for me…I fit in that range! Also, when they measured my cervix they wanted to see it at a 4.0 or 4.1 and mine was at a 5.3, so as the doctor put it, I’m an over achiever. He doesn’t see any reason why I would be put on bed rest or go into early labor. His guess is that I make it the full 38 weeks, unless there’s a problem with a baby. Physically he said my body was built for multiples. Here are the 4D pictures of the boys at 20 weeks.

One thing they told me was that by the time I reach my 3^rd trimester, I will no longer have an appetite and that was why they like to see weight gain in the 1^st and 2^nd trimester. Well, about 2 weeks ago that hit me. I can eat 1 meal and 1 meal only and I’m stuffed. If I dare try to eat or have another meal, I have a long date with John. I have to tell you it’s really getting old hugging John!

As of today I have a little less than 15 weeks to go! That sounds a lot better than saying almost 4 months left.

                                                               23 weeks and 2 days

It's a.....

On Friday we had our big 20 week sonogram. The IP’s flew in late Thursday night with their daughter and met us at the doctor’s office early Friday morning. The appointment took about 2 hours and both babies looked perfect. They are growing a day bigger and both are BOYS! I’ve known the gender since 13 weeks, but knew that they wanted to know as a family. That was so exciting for me to see and hear there reaction to finding out they were having boys. My IF texted his mom right after they said “boys”. He said if he called her it would have been too emotional. He now says he has to get in shape for his boys. That was such an amazing feeling for me to hear him say that and I can’t wait to seem them with their boys. Baby A is breach, but I’m praying that he will turn by the time I deliver.

The fun part about the visit is my children got to meet the IP’s and their daughter. My oldest daughter said she felt like she has always known them. That’s also how my husband and I feel too. We took my kids out of school early and met them at their hotel which has an indoor water park. It was such a fun way to get to interact with the IP’s. After that, we went to dinner and just had more fun.

After meeting the IP’s, my kids are even happier and understanding that these babies get to go home with them. Having a face with the name is a big thing for small kids.

For Christmas, my IP’s gave me a beautiful Pandora bracelet with meaningful charms and on Friday night they gave me two blue charms for the boys I’m carrying to put on my bracelet.

My IM is going to fly out in 4 weeks for the next sonogram and the glucose test. I can’t wait to see her.

Hiding

Throughout this pregnancy I feel like I’ve been in hiding. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m doing! I can’t figure out what it is. When I go out in public I always have my sweater on just in case I run into someone I know that doesn’t know that I’m a surrogate. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to stand there and explain every detail, or if I’m embarrassed, or if it’s because my religion views me in the same manner as a prostitute.

Every person I have told has offered nothing but wonderful comments and has been wonderfully supportive. It’s kind of crazy, but my parents and extended family are the only ones who have no idea I’m pregnant and I don’t want them to know. They have never been supportive of anything I’ve ever done unless it benefits them.  That could be why I feel like I’m hiding.

I’m very involved with my church and love my religion, but it is one of the only religions that do not believe in surrogacy. To them I’m using my body for someone else’s gain, just as a prostitute would. It’s very strange to me, because I know that I’m doing the most Christian thing I can do for someone and giving the ultimate gift just as God had done with his own son. Surrogacy started as early as the first book of the Old Testament, in Genesis 16, where Sarah could not bear a child for Abraham. Abraham went and found a TS so that he and Sarah could have a child. A child was born from that TS.

Has anyone else felt like they were hiding or is my religion making a bigger impact on me?

16 weeks

I had my 16 week check up on Tuesday. The babies look perfect! They are growing 2 days bigger, and weigh about 5 oz. each. I also found out were each baby is sitting in my belly. It’s very neat when one of them moves. I know if it’s A or B. Baby B is very playful with baby A. In the ultrasound baby B was kicking, butting heads, and trying to touch baby A. It was very cute! The only negative to me was the scale. I’m shocked I didn’t break itJ. I just have to remember that there are 2 in there and not 1. I also haven’t worked out since the day before my transfer, November 4^th, 2010.

Here's my 16 week 3 day belly:

Meeting of the minds

It happened on Saturday; I finally met my first surrogate! Not only did I meet one, but I met about 20. I heard about a get together from SMO that was going to be in my area. I decided it would be great to go and meet others who understand what I’m going through, and not ask lots of questions.

These women where so neat! There were ladies with pink hair, tattoos and body piercings. Some short, some tall and some very skinny. Some just gave birth, and others were retired. No matter how different we were, we had one thing in common; we love to help others achieve a family. It was so great to hear such positive twin stories and great recoveries. I also learned about a “twin diet”. The surrogates that had twins said after the birth of twins, you lose so much weight, and even look better in the months following the birth. I really hope that’s true!

The really cool part of the night was when I first got to the restaurant. I met another surrogate named Cindy. She is due in March and we just clicked right away. She lives about 8 miles from me, and is the only surrogate I know in my area. I asked her how she told her kids’ teachers. She told me that they thought it was really neat and were very understanding. I then asked her what school her kids went to. To my amazement our kids go to the same pre-school and have the same teacher! All I could think was God is good, He allowed me to meet her, so she could pave the way for me to tell the teachers. (I will blog about my feelings on that later this week.) Now I’m excited to tell the teachers and get together with Cindy.

                                                  These are the lovely surrogates!

                                                                     Cindy and I

                                                  

Houston

Houston, we have movement! The babies started moving for the first time on Monday, just one day before I hit 14 weeks. This is the first time I’ve felt movement so early. Normally I feel movement between 16-20 weeks.

When I first felt them move, I wasn’t sure that I was really feeling movement. As the day went on, I knew it was the babies. I really can’t tell if it’s number 1 or number 2 moving. I can tell you that the movement doesn’t stop, which is great. I know that they are doing well. It seems to me that maybe number 1 starts moving then goes to sleep and then the other one starts its movement. Either way, I’m just glad they are moving.

This has also been the first week without any morning sickness! YIPEEE! I do still need the Zofran thought, but no more dates with JohnJ

Med. Stats

I'm done with all my medication! Since October 22, 2010 here is a list of all the daily medication I had to take, minus my vitamins and aspirin.

21 injections of Lupron in tummy:

27 shots of Delestrogen in Butt:                                                               

38 injections of PIO in butt:

226 Progesterone vaginal tabs

and 31 Progesterone Lozenges

Good luck to all you new surrogates starting meds soon. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm glad I found the light:)

13 weeks and quit asking....

13 weeks today and feeling great! I’m posting a picture of my growing 13 week belly. One thing I won’t ever show you is my actual belly.

Here’s a little advice for all, and my big pet peeve at the moment. Do not ask me if I will be able to give my babies away! The first mistake is these are NOT my babies. Second they are NOT my children to keep. I don’t want you to keep my children! Of course there are times I do debate sending my teenage daughter away. Just kidding! Third, I have the mindset to happily give these children back to THEIR parents. I’m fine and very blessed raising the 5 I have. Lastly, remember that I’m a GS surrogate, meaning not my egg and not my husband’s sperm. I have NO biological connection to these babies. I would NEVER give any of my children away! I’m really looking forward to the next chapter in my life as my children grow, and helping them reach their goals in life. Right now, that does not leave room for me to have any more children, unless there is a big oops in the years to come.

I do know that when certain friends or family ask me questions, I know it’s out of love. I take no offense to your questions or concerns. I’m so blessed to have married into the most wonderful supportive family that stands behind what I’m doing. Thank you to all of my husband’s family. I love you all! Also, thank you to my wonderful friends and surro-friends. Your comments, words of encouragement, experience and understanding mean the world to me.

Baby Scan

On Tuesday January 11, we had the fetal nuchal scan and everything with both babies looked perfect. They scanned my belly for about 45 minutes. The sonogram technician was hoping that both babies would be in the right position and baby B was so we scanned baby B first. Everything looked perfect with baby B. Then, it was on to a very active baby A. I had to move on my side and then on my back just to get baby A into the right position. It worked, and baby A also looked perfect. Praise God! Both babies looked perfect! Then I had to have my finger pricked for some blood work, which is part 2 of the screening. The results were supposed to take a week, but I got the results yesterday. Once again, great news! The risk of Down syndrome was 1 in 3,441 and Trisomy 18 is 1 in 6,141. I love great news. Even better, the IM doesn’t want to do an amnio since all looks great!

My morning sickness is getting a lot better. I now feel like I have “normal” morning sickness. Zofran is actually working now. Last week when I stopped my injections, I had some medication withdrawal. The doctor said this happens because the high levels of hormones stopped. I had 3 days of migraine headaches, which are getting better day by day. I go back for more blood work on Wednesday, and that will hopefully mean another reduction in my medication. It will be so nice when there is no more medication to take. Once again these babies are worth it!

Womans Day article

My sweet friend left this article in my mailbox today, and  I wanted to share it with you all.
http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Family-Lifestyle/True-Stories-One-Person-Who-Changed-My-Life.html

First OB appointment

There have been so many in changes in just a week. First I don’t need any more injections!!! Wednesday was my very last shot. It is such a great feeling knowing that I don’t have to stick myself with a needle. I feel like Grandpa Joe and Charlie in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory when Charlie won the last golden ticket. YIPEEE!

Next, I had my first OB appointment on Tuesday. The hardest part about becoming pregnant was having to find a new OB. My last OB retired after my last child was born. It was very neat to have my son be his very last delivery after 20 years. I had the worst time trying to find a doctor that had the beliefs I had or did not have a criminal background. In the back of my mind, I kept going back and forth whether or not to see our good friend who is an OB. I kept thinking how strange it would be to have an exam and then go out to dinner with our friend. It’s still weird to me! When I found out that I was carrying twins, the only thought I had was that I just had to see my friend. There’s no one else I would trust more if I had to have a c-section than him. All my doctor friends assured me that doctors don’t really care about down south; it’s just like an arm or leg.

The babies have grown so much in the past week. Baby A is measuring at 11 weeks 1 day with a heart rate of 167. Baby B is measuring at 11 weeks 2 days and heart rate of 167. They are growing a day or two bigger, which is great!

I’m posting a picture taken when I was 10 ½ weeks along. Please excuse my hair, it was a long day.